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Clips from Archer - Sitting (S06E06)

"- with the big dollar sign on it. - Just bring him."
Archer
"And I need to borrow a shirt."
Archer
"- Farooq? - Um..."
Archer
"Why do you... Never mind."
Archer
"There's a logic to all of it."
Archer
"Aw, you're absolutely insane."
Archer
"Crazy son of..."
Archer
"Is he gone?"
Archer
"- Yeah, he's... - Because he's kind of a dick, right?"
Archer
"- Right. - And what's the deal with that safe house?"
Archer
"Am I right? Come on. They should call it a..."
Archer
"Misnomer house."
Archer
"But this place is safe, though, right?"
Archer
"- Yeah, I mean... - Yeah, I mean, it's the penthouse."
Archer
"And I assume that's the only door, so..."
Archer
"Well, except for the terrace, but..."
Archer
"Yeah, so maybe we should lock that?"
Archer
"Hey. Shh."
Archer
"Sorry. I was just kind of freaking out, man."
Archer
"- I just saw a guy get shot. - Well, if you get her started again,"
Archer
"- you're gonna see you get shot, so... - Yeah, okay."
Archer
"- So you have guns here, right? - Yes. I literally have tons of them."
Archer
"- Yeah, but... - Hang on. Not literally, but a lot."
Archer
"Yeah. Okay. But on you, I mean, like..."
Archer
"Are you strapped?"
Archer
"Am I strapped? No, homie, I'm not."
Archer
"Okay, so you don't have a gun on you, is what I'm saying."
Archer
"And "no" is what I'm saying."
Archer
"- Okay, good. - Wh..."
Archer
"That's just gonna make this next part a lot easier."
Archer
"Well, for me."
Archer
"Oh, my god. Okay. Good stuff."
Archer
"- You had me going there for a second. - I'm sorry?"
Archer
"I can't believe Lana set this up. Just so I'd call and ask for help."
Archer
"And you got Slater in on it? With the fake blood?"
Archer
"Oh, man. She is pathetic."
Archer
"What the shit? You shot me!"
Archer
"- I wanted your full attention. - Well, you nailed it, asshole!"
Archer
"Jesus Christ! Did Lana pay you extra too shoot me?"
Archer
"Okay, I don't know this Lana, but..."
Archer
"- I'm sorry? - Yeah. Me too."
Archer
"She sounds like a real practical joker."
Archer
"But I assure you, Mr. Archer, this is all very real."
Archer
"Hey, hey, now, listen to me, all right?"
Archer
"Listen. I don't know what's going on,"
Archer
"- but you're gonna hand me the baby. - No, Mr. Archer, I am not."
Archer
"Not until you take me to your headquarters"
Archer
"so I can access the mainframe computer."
Archer
"Yeah, I heard you, but I'm not going anywhere"
Archer
"- until you put it up there. - Fine. Whatever."
Archer
"Wow! You drive like a gaping dickhole."
Archer
"So I guess there's no CIA leak."
Archer
"Nope. My follow team created a diversion so that Slater"
Archer
"would bring me to you, so that you would bring me here."
Archer
"- Just don't hurt her. - Well, I hope it won't come to that."
Archer
"- You really, really should. - Just make sure there are no surpris..."
Archer
"God damn it!"
Archer
"- What the... - It's Friday night."
Archer
"- Why the hell are people still here? - I don't know. I guess it's..."
Archer
"Jeezy petes! An inside straight?"
Archer
"Got three on the hip, I need four for the weekend."
Archer
"- I'm going to Hotlanta. - Have fun, I hope you get hate-crimed."
Archer
"Hey, whoa!"
Archer
"- Goddamn, woman. - Seriously."
Archer
"I'll hate-crime your ass right here."
Archer
"- You know what? - Guys, come on."
Archer
"Okay, A: the thing last month wasn't a hate crime..."
Archer
"Because I will straight-flush your brains out the back of your skull!"
Archer
"- It was just a regular crime. - And obviously now I put my gun"
Archer
"in the time-lock safe until the game's over."
Archer
"And so basically, the only thing keeping you"
Archer
"from murdering each other is a lack of access to firearms."
Archer
"- Works for Canada. - Nothing works for Canada."
Archer
"Hey guys..."
Archer
"Is... Are you playing strip poker?"
Archer
"No."
Archer
"- It just gets hot as balls in here. - Literally."
Archer
"- Okay, well... - Hang on! Yeah, literally."
Archer
"- Right, I just came by because, uh... - Aha!"
Archer
"Because you need help with the baby and you can't call Lana,"
Archer
"- so you came to ask one of us for help. - For your information, Cyril,"
Archer
"I don't need help with A.J. because I, uh..."
Archer
"Hired a manny. Hey, I'm... Manny."
Archer
"- Black Mexican? - No, thank you, I probably shouldn't."
Archer
"- Shouldn't what? - Uh, swarm across the Rio Grande?"
Archer
"- From Pakistan? - Where's Woodhouse?"
Archer
"My guess, Avenue D. Anyhoo, we just, um, gotta grab..."
Archer
"Some baby stuff. So, we're gonna go do that. Manny?"
Archer
"Good luck with your... hate-cards?"
Archer
"Pff, go back to Canada, Guy Lafleur."
Archer
"Okay, ante up, ya goat-raping pig devils!"
Archer
"- Nothing wild but the dealer. - Hang on a sec."
Archer
"Did Archer seem a little, like... scared to you guys?"
Archer
"What?"
Archer
"Ya know, now that you mention it, he did actually seem a little nervous."
Archer
"I bet he's just on the C.D.L."
Archer
"- The what? - Canadian down-low."
Archer
"Please, like you all wouldn't bang Alan Thicke"
Archer
"- if you had the chance. - I think we should go check it out."
Archer
"- Well, if we're not gonna play poker! - I thought this was ouija."
Archer
"So, those guys... Kinda dicks, right?"
Archer
"- Right? - Totally."
Archer
"Okay, now enter the command sequence string."
Archer
"Okay good, now once you've... entered that..."
Archer
"wow, still working on it. You also type like a gaping dickhole."
Archer
"Sorry, I don't wanna mess up."
Archer
"Man, you are nothing like your file."
Archer
"All these stories about what a badass you are,"
Archer
"but I gotta tell ya, Farooq's not seeing it."
Archer
"Well, in those stories, I'm probably not changing poopy diapers, so..."
Archer
"So do you seriously not even care"
Archer
"- what I'm doing with your mainframe? - I honestly don't."
Archer
"Okay, I'm going to tell you anyway."
Archer
"I'm using it to backdoor my state-of-the-art"
Archer
"spyware into the CIA network, so Pakistani intelligence"
Archer
"will know everything they do in real time."
Archer
"And... why are you telling me this?"
Archer
"- I'm ... Wait, what? - I mean, now I'm just gonna tell the CIA,"
Archer
"- and they'll find the spyware. - That was only one of many, many"
Archer
"- possible things I could be doing. - Okay."
Archer
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