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Clips from Scrubs - My Own Personal Jesus (S01E01)

"When you spend every waking moment in a hospital,"
Scrubs
"it's hard to get into the spirit."
Scrubs
"- Carla, what time is it? - I don't know"
Scrubs
"This thing!"
Scrubs
"just looking for that."
Scrubs
"I've only worked here for three months."
Scrubs
"But I can't give you Vicodin because your teeth are itchy."
Scrubs
"I don't want to sound insensitive, but why don't these people have any money?"
Scrubs
"What do you mean by that? I'm internal medicine."
Scrubs
"Well, of course you are. But numbers don't lie"
Scrubs
"It's like a riptide, sweetheart, pulling and pulling,"
Scrubs
"and you can swim against the current all you want."
Scrubs
"When Mr Stork comes a-calling, you won't think, ''I'm internal medicine.''"
Scrubs
"It's gonna be, ''Oh! Look at the baby!''"
Scrubs
"When you're defensive about your feminine side, it makes you more girly."
Scrubs
"This is the monkey I got to videotape the birth."
Scrubs
"I hate him."
Scrubs
"But not as much as I hate moments like these."
Scrubs
"like I've got some magical power to fix him."
Scrubs
"I'm sorry, it's been two weeks, and your son shows no neurological improvement."
Scrubs
"That doesn't mean I don't love busting him about it."
Scrubs
"I carry around this tiny little Monopoly piece for good luck."
Scrubs
"He did, I heard him, baby. Go get him."
Scrubs
"Dude, that's just a Christmas tree in the park."
Scrubs
"You see all of this right here?"
Scrubs
"What if I came up to you, all tired, and I just... I had to yawn...?"
Scrubs
"What is it with friends wanting to be in your life?"
Scrubs
"Your ability to thrive under pressure is what drove you to medicine."
Scrubs
"You should have seen him when he was a new intern."
Scrubs
"See ya."
Scrubs
"- Wrapping presents. You? - My family."
Scrubs
"Right here, at Sacred Heart, we are not only gonna feed his sheep..."
Scrubs
"...but we gonna clothe them."
Scrubs
"- And we gonna bathe them. - Bathe them!"
Scrubs
"Because that is what Christmas...."
Scrubs
"That's right! Preach, preach!"
Scrubs
"I know exactly what you're trying to do, but..."
Scrubs
"you're not gonna break my Christmas spirit. You can't."
Scrubs
"Little girl. What do you want for Christmas...?"
Scrubs
"It's no problem."
Scrubs
"Childbirth has been so romanticised."
Scrubs
"Hi, doctor."
Scrubs
"You'll fart, pee, puke and poop in front of ten complete strangers"
Scrubs
"It's a bouncing baby boy."
Scrubs
"She needs to deliver immediately so let's get..."
Scrubs
"Newbie, I always punch the tabs out of my tapes"
Scrubs
"of the birth of my friend's baby?"
Scrubs
"Well, I think that the baby itself"
Scrubs
"My ex-wife is gonna hold this over my head for so long"
Scrubs
"And I liked the sun, Newbie. It made me hopeful."
Scrubs
"I could certainly jot down some of my..."
Scrubs
"...feelings and impressions."
Scrubs
"Don't kid yourself. I couldn't be any madder at you."
Scrubs
"I can go home now. Maybe it's because Christmas is a hard time,"
Scrubs
"You better hurry up. Mass starts in 15 minutes."
Scrubs
"- You didn't want any faces? - Excuse me?"
Scrubs
"I switched the tapes. Just go with it."
Scrubs
"- Absolutely. - Yes."
Scrubs
"It's important you understand something. I'm not interested in babies."
Scrubs
"I don't melt when I see them,"
Scrubs
"I don't get it. Why are we on the roof?"
Scrubs
"Is that... gum or pigeon crap on my sneaker?"
Scrubs
"You mean have relations."
Scrubs
"You wanna have relations right here on the roof."
Scrubs
"- You don't know how I feel. - Well, then tell me."
Scrubs
"I feel abandoned!"
Scrubs
"You're such a special friend."
Scrubs
"Gosh, Marjorie, aren't you sassy today?"
Scrubs
"Pre-natal lice?"
Scrubs
"I've seen them, they're real and gross."
Scrubs
"Maybe Dr Cox had pushed me too far. Whatever it was, I told on him."
Scrubs
"And all the hatred they had for each other"
Scrubs
"Good Jordan, good. Now work the body, under the ribs."
Scrubs
"- God, yes. - Run away."
Scrubs
"I spoke to a 911 operator who got a call from a girl in labour,"
Scrubs
"is how often you feel like there's no one to turn to."
Scrubs
"You'll be OK."
Scrubs
"So, baby Charlie is the bald one?"
Scrubs
"A baby can stir something deep down inside you, you didn't know was there."
Scrubs
"Look at the baby!"
Scrubs
"They help you find something you thought you'd lost."
Scrubs
"How did you know she was here?"
Scrubs
"I don't know, I just knew."
Scrubs
"Dude, you could not be a bigger dork."
Scrubs
"You're so lame."
Scrubs
"Or your way? Think about it."
Scrubs
"Still, there are some traditions I enjoy."
Scrubs
"Like Nurse Tisdale's 9. 15 cup of coffee."
Scrubs
"but I'm guessing it's about 9.15ish."
Scrubs
"I drove round the whole city before my 5am shift,"
Scrubs
"Trying to add a little cheer."
Scrubs
"You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again."
Scrubs
"Not this year."
Scrubs
"Things could be worse. I could be with Elliot doing my day in the free clinic."
Scrubs
"I understand that you took a cab here."
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso?"
Scrubs
"I don't know, sir, they probably waste it all on food."
Scrubs
"I need you to precept a patient."
Scrubs
"Wonderful idea, except I heard your smart-aleck remark"
Scrubs
"so why don't you keep your little pregnant girl?"
Scrubs
"lt'll be good practice since you'll probably end up in a female specialty."
Scrubs
"and most women end up in OB-G YN, family practice or paediatrics."
Scrubs
"Sir, I have to say, I'm offended."
Scrubs
"Oh, no. Now I have to go buy flowers to make it right."
Scrubs
"Dear God, Judy, how much product do you use?"
Scrubs
"None. It's like this when I wake up."
Scrubs
"- You want something? - Nobody likes a cranky punching bag."
Scrubs
"And yes, it's about a patient. Pretty good friend of mine."
Scrubs
"Randy, Jackie, what do you say?"
Scrubs
"There's nothing I can do for him, but when I go in, the family'll look at me"
Scrubs
"Hey, everybody!"
Scrubs
"It was a miracle! First of all, the man was near dead. Then he comes out."
Scrubs
"- You're ridiculous. - I'm telling you it was a miracle."
Scrubs
"I envy Turk. To be that sure of something, to have that faith."
Scrubs
"That's fine. We all have our beliefs."
Scrubs
"Did you compare my Lord and Saviour to a tiny top hat?"
Scrubs
"Excuse me, Nurse Teresa. Have you ever read the Bible?"
Scrubs
"I started it. Then I skipped to the end and it ruined it for me."
Scrubs
"That's it. Both of you to the window. Let's go. Right now."
Scrubs
"Please. You can't just jump back on my good side."
Scrubs
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