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Clips from Scrubs - Our Mysteries (S09E09)

"Well, I would have touched your heart, but I did that to another female student"
Scrubs
"(CHUCKLES) Lucy, that's sweet, but I don't care"
Scrubs
"J. D: Yes. Lucy's in the bag."
Scrubs
""Abusive," "humiliating," "tyrannical" and "buttery.""
Scrubs
"(MACHINE WHIRRING)"
Scrubs
"Okay. In front of you are teacher evaluations."
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"Yeah, and tell them Dr. D sent you. You'll get a little extra whip."
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"(STUDENTS CHATTERING)"
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"COLE AND LUCY: Huh."
Scrubs
"Maybe."
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"You cannot get under my skin today. Not with reviews like these."
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"He wrote that I don't care about teaching"
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"and he became a heroin addict."
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"- Oh, God. Here's Sunny. - Who's Sunny?"
Scrubs
"Yeah, I owe her that. She is my closest female friend."
Scrubs
"Hmm."
Scrubs
"Something to do with my moms eating blowfish in the third tri-mo."
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"Somebody help me! I have a family!"
Scrubs
"That's not the way it is with Drew and me."
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"I think this is Barry Friedman's room. Twenty-three, right?"
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"J. D: Because you might not like what you find."
Scrubs
"- That's disgusting. - Oh, I threw up in my mouth a little."
Scrubs
"Don't tell me you're still looking for the visionary"
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"You're going to find this kid, then what?"
Scrubs
"Okay."
Scrubs
"LUCY: Okay, I know Dr. D can't resist my puppy-dog look."
Scrubs
"Many of you had motives."
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"You take a little too long to laugh at my jokes,"
Scrubs
"It was me."
Scrubs
"Perry?"
Scrubs
"but that's not going to happen, and here's why."
Scrubs
"Look, I had to do something. You were trying to make a power play."
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"You know what? I'm into it if you are."
Scrubs
"(SIGHING)"
Scrubs
"As much as it pains me to admit it, that "bitch" is indeed yours. Well done."
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"- Just remember, you're terrified of me. - I am."
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"J. D: But sometimes, being there for someone"
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"Hey. Thanks a lot for not showing up."
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"Good luck."
Scrubs
"I can't believe you don't want to do one last eagle."
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"- Kids love sexy vampires. - I'm on it."
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"(BOTH LAUGHING)"
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"(COLE LAUGHING)"
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"Dr. D, I can't believe you're actually leaving us."
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"You were, like, the greatest teacher ever."
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"Oh, Lucy."
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"But you'll always carry a piece of me with you. I'll be here and I'll be here."
Scrubs
"My stomach?"
Scrubs
"and it resulted in me having to watch a four-hour video called Boundaries."
Scrubs
"So, teacher evaluations are due,"
Scrubs
"and I am going to use gold stars and pony stickers for yours."
Scrubs
"about those silly evaluations."
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"But while I went out of my way to connect with these kids,"
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox had a different approach."
Scrubs
"CO X: All right, then, you gaggle of mini-murderers,"
Scrubs
"I'm going to make these evaluations very easy for you."
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"Here are some adjectives that describe my teaching style."
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"Why "buttery"? Because I don't care what you write."
Scrubs
"Moving on. It is time for your final practical exam of the quarter,"
Scrubs
"learning how to draw blood from an actual human being."
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"Sadly, most of you will pass,"
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"proving once and for all that you don't belong here."
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"(CHUCKLING) And, my God, it's like it's Christmas Eve"
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"and one of you is just a big box of failure waiting to be unwrapped."
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"I want to open you, I want to open you so bad, but no,"
Scrubs
"I'm gonna wait, because the waiting makes it so much sweeter."
Scrubs
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Scrubs
"DENISE: "Your stupidity is so intense it's burning me in the face.""
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"Oh, Dr. Cox is on a tear today. I bet you five bucks this kid cries."
Scrubs
"No, he's not a crier."
Scrubs
"He's the kind of guy who eats to make the sad go away."
Scrubs
"Is it wrong that so much of what bonds us is sex and other people's pain?"
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"Don't forget our hatred of art."
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"Yeah, art's the worst. Here he comes."
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"I win. But I actually cheated. I had inside info."
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"I slept with that dude during my fatty phase."
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"(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Six weeks ago, I wrote one word on the board."
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""Medicine." So, what's the definition?"
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"Well, if you believe the silly dictionary, it says that it's"
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""the science of health maintenance and the prevention of disease.""
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"Snore. I think we're all dictionaries."
Scrubs
"We all edit the user-generated encyclopedias of our hearts."
Scrubs
"(REMOTE BEEPING)"
Scrubs
"Those balloons were supposed to fall at the end of my speech."
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"Be honest."
Scrubs
"I'm trying to mold your minds, not win some sort of popularity contest."
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"Sweet! Coupon for two dollars off fro-yo."
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"(TURK CLAPPING)"
Scrubs
"Great last class, buddy."
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"It's your last day. What do you want to do?"
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"I don't know, Turk. I've left so many times,"
Scrubs
"I've come back so many times. Even I'm confused."
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"I think we should just sit this one out, old friend."
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"- I'm gonna need a minute. - Turk, no."
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"- Hey, Luce, guess what I see? - Don't say it."
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"- (WHISPERS) "I see dead people." - Yep. Fifteenth time's the charm."
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"(COLE CHUCKLING)"
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"(CO X CLEARING THROAT)"
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"Hey, Dr. Cox. I was just practicing for your exam."
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"Taking blood is so easy."
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"Dynamite work. But here's the thing there."
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"You're going to have to do this on a person who still has blood"
Scrubs
"and can feel pain, not like this lump of flesh."
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"- Did you just flick that cadaver's ear? - CO X: Yes."
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"I come down here to both increase my hand strength and relax."
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"Some people go on retreats. I flick the dead."
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"(CHUCKLES) That is so awesome."
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"J. D: The teacher evaluations were in."
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"Okay, what's it say, Turk? I can't look!"
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"- Dude, you're number one. - Yes! That's the part I wanted."
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"This reminds me of when I was in my theater camp's production of Oliver!"
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"I still remember my one line. "No, thank you. I don't like soup.""
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"TURK: Hmm."
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"Hey, Perry, don't you want to see where you're ranked?"
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"I'm quite sure I'm last. I could not care less."
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"J. D: Don't feel bad, Perry."
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"Maybe you could go find some solace in one of your gym workouts."
Scrubs
"Ow!"
Scrubs
"I don't know how, but that knocked the wind out of me."
Scrubs
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