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Clips from Parks and Recreation (2009) - Article Two (S05E05)

"but they're almost all filed wrong."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"But I do know this--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Then I'll steal $20 from Chris's wallet"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"where you can celebrate all of Ann's holidays"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and "Ben Day" where we can celebrate all of ours."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"figuring she'd counter with a month."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It will be commemorating this week,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"the week that my two best friends"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"became each other's best friends."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Here you go."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Article Two, Section Two of the Pawnee Charter reads,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""rise to an unacceptable level,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"citizens shall dump Ted into Ramsett Lake.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Does anyone object?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Today is Ted Party Day, where we commemorate"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"the great Pawnee tea dump of 1817."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Historical fun fact--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"their old-timey script made"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"one of the "a"s look like a "d,""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"so "tea" became "Ted.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It's just one of those little things"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Plus, we get to go find a guy named Ted"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and throw him in a lake."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I don't even go by Ted!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Two! - I go by Theodore!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Three! - Aah!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Hey, Ted. Great job today."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"when you were like, "My cell phone,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I left it in my pocket.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Then you checked it, remember, and it didn't work."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Ha! Classic Ted. - I'm serious."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm not getting dumped in that lake anymore."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"And I talked to the other Teds in town,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and they're not doing it either."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"by Article Two in the town charter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"And we have the right, nay, the obligation,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"to dump Ted into the lake every year."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"That's the way it's always been done."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Okay, first of all,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"is not a good reason to keep doing something."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Second, it was a misprint. They clearly meant "tea.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I just think you need to be careful"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"about speculating what the Founders meant"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"when they were writing the town charter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You want to enforce every single old law"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Here's a quarter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Wha-- - Sorry."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"The Pawnee Charter clearly states that any white citizen"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"has the right to seize any Indian property"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"for 25 cents."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"That is an outdated and racist law."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"And obviously they meant "American Indian.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"when we speculate what the Founders intended"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"when they wrote the charter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Okay, Ted. I know what you're doing."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You're quoting me back to me."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"But I'm gonna quote me back to you and say"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that Ted Party Day will never change."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Uhoh."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You, a woman, just raised your voice"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"According to a Pawnee statute passed in 1868,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I get to do this."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I was not aware of that statute."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ron, you have to help me."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Chris is making me do"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"some stupid management training leadership course."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Now that you run the Animal Control department,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"you have qualified"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"or "Ka-tumts.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It's not a great acronym, but it is a great seminar."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Can you get me out of it?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Yes."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"between doing something and nothing,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"if it helps someone else do nothing."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'd work all night"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"if it meant nothing got done."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ron Swanson and April Ludgate,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"in your pointless course"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"because she has more important things to do"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"like not participating in your pointless course."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I just want April to become as great"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I've been head of the Parks department for 12 years,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ron, you've never been "ka-tumtsed?""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I am legally required"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"to ka-tumts every department head."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Otherwise, we are open to all kinds of liability."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What are you saying?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm saying that tomorrow during the seminar,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"April is going to have a classmate."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"And spoiler alert--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"This went poorly."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- It is not. - Good."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that my accountant calls "Dangerous and irresponsible.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"JJ's diner put an old waffle iron up for auction."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It's the perfect breakfast day gift for Leslie."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""Breakfast day"?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Leslie has anniversaries for everything."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"it was the first time we went on a double date."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"This calendar was last year's calendar day present"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"celebrating the first time"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You have to buy a present for every one of these?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"She always tells me not to, but then she buys me something"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that's awesome and thoughtful, and then I feel terrible."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""Tall Tie-ree-on Lannister.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Lord of Casterly Rock? The Half-Man?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- No. You do? - Hell yeah."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Have you seen those Dothraki dudes?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"will repeal 110 obsolete laws"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"such as all menstruating women shall be confined"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"to their bathtubs"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and Article Two, aka, Ted Party Day."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"The floor is now open for public comments."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Thank you. My name is Garth Blundin,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and I object to your ridiculous proposal."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"The Pawnee Charter shall not be changed."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Not today, not ever!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Thank you so much."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Your objection is noted and officially in the record."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Shall we proceed to a vote? - No. No, we shall not."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
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