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Clips from 30 Rock - College (S05E05)

"Oh, why is Toofer in the Punishment Corner?"
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"I said, "Time to end the charade"
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"and adjust my schedule to buy a new vase.""
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"You stay there! You stay there until you die!"
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"Look up the pronunciation for "schedule" on the Internet."
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"Ha! Stay in the corner!"
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"Whiskey!"
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"Liberal."
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"It's impossible."
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"Come in, Lemon. Just revisiting some old GE quarterly reports."
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"Just out of frame is a wheelbarrow full of cocaine."
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"So why the trip down memory lame?"
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"The Microwave Division quarterly report comes out today."
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"It'll probably be my last with GE,"
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"now that I'm transitioning to KableTown."
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"So..."
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"Those. Bastards."
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"Those bastards!"
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"Part of my Princeton scholarship"
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"They wanted me to record every word in the dictionary"
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"Well, the Cold War ended"
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"and Princeton began selling the recordings."
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"So people can just buy your voice?"
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"♪ Just. Like. That. ♪"
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"Huh. I always forget you used to be poor."
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"It began when my father left"
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"and started working on the Boston docks as a 12-year-old stevedore."
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"I had to."
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"Those jobs put me through college."
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"But they also kept me from having the "college experience.""
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"working my way though the dictionary for the Linguistics Department"
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"It wasn't the feces that got to you, Lemon."
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"Yeah, well college wasn't that fun, Jack."
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"Lemon, I really don't have time for a long..."
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"The Fall of 1988."
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"A young Liz Lemon enters the University of Maryland."
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"Richard Marx haircut. Pilonidal cyst under control."
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"I'm going to live forever."
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"And for two weeks, it was Party Central."
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"People gave me nicknames. A blonde girl high-fived me."
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"Okay."
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"We're picking a winner. Here we go."
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"4 of Clubs. Paula's nickname for my penis."
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"- Oh! - Come on!"
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"Guys! Guys, I'm not gonna keep it!"
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"I'm gonna take this money and open a tab"
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"for all of you after work at Hurley's!"
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"You know it... Arriflex!"
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"Chris... is this guy."
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"Well, that is really cool of you."
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"that's a 9."
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"According to these numbers,"
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"the Microwave Division had their best quarter in five years."
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"So?"
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"So, they did it without me."
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"No they didn't."
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"You hired everyone there."
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"If they succeeded, it's because of you."
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"Really? What about three years ago"
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"when I said there should be more TV shows about cake?"
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"I'll drive out to R&D in Stamford,"
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"make sure everyone remembers who got them there."
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"They'll probably give me a crystal plaque,"
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"and I in turn will reward one of them with a name remembrance."
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"Lemon, why does your crew look drunk?"
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"and they got drunk at lunch and now they like me."
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"Oh, Lemon, please. Money can't buy happiness."
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"I told them not to! Let's get out of here, Jack."
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"Make me say anything you want. Get it out of your system."
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"Obama. Is. Very. Presidential."
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"Alright, enough!"
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"I was trying to be a good sport,"
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"Hey! I'm almost 46."
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"...when some of us"
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"had to spend their freshman year making those recordings."
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"And leading a disastrous monkey escape."
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"That. Went. Well."
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"Say hey, Willie Mays!"
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"You know, usually everyone around here makes me feel like Hitler."
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"Being popular must be such a new experience for you."
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"Well, it's not entirely new."
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"Wow. I would experiment with that girl."
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"Too small."
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"That's me... for two weeks in college."
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"I was popular for one glorious fortnight and then it went away."
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"I don't know what I did wrong."
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"You probably said "fortnight.""
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"No, you didn't do anything, Liz."
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"The cool people figured that out and treated you accordingly."
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"Well, ever since I gave the crew that lottery money,"
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"it's felt like those two weeks again."
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"And you know what? I'm not blowing it this time."
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"Hang on. You know this charade can't last."
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"I'm the hot blonde."
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"And I'm the nerd who takes off his glasses"
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"and everyone realizes he's handsome."
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"Hello?"
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"Hello, Pete. This is Jack."
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"Jack? Hi!"
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"What happened was Suzanne from Ad Sales"
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"I didn't try to touch her."
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"And the sort of "uh" sound I made was about something else."
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"Pete. Will you be my friend?"
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"Sure, of course."
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"You know, whenever I tell my wife a work story..."
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"I always smile a little when I'm talking about you."
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"I wish I was more of a free spirit like you."
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"Now, freestyle rap for me."
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"♪ Rolling with my homie ♪"
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"♪ Me and Jackie D. ♪"
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"♪ Bitches get ready for a sex party ♪"
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"Nobody high-five her."
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"You can start calling me that."
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"Look, we appreciate what you did for the crew last night,"
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"Yeah, the alcoholics, Liz."
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"How were they supposed to enjoy your bar tab?"
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"I didn't forget them, Chris."
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"Their thing just hasn't gotten here yet."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"Only the Blizz-bian knows!"
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