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Clips from 30 Rock - Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning (S05E05)

"Good question, Liz Lemon."
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"throwing telephones at hotel employees,"
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"speaking to the UN about some messed-up crap in Africa,"
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"You're getting an island?"
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"Nicolas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore."
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"I'm like Stout Cortez."
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"He's my gardener. He's easily amazed."
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"Thank you."
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"I'm not gonna rehearse."
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"What are you wearing?"
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"My NBC Page dress blues."
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"I want to look good in case I get on-camera."
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"Well, Mrs. Jordan's reality show"
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"- What? - I know."
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"I hope I photograph okay,"
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"because when I look into a mirror, there's just a white haze."
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"Who told Tracy he could bring cameras here?"
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"Well, Mr. Donaghy."
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"because it's full of unread adoption materials."
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"What? I don't want tush lines!"
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"I don't need cameras following him around while he's here."
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"Our product-placement deal with Sullivan Psychiatric Clinic."
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""Sullivan Psychiatric. You'll drool over our crazy prices.""
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"Reality TV..."
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"a woman with hundruplets, a live execution,"
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""The Real Transvestite Hoarders of Orange County Penitentiary.""
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"Programs like that are the lifeblood of this industry."
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"They're cheap, promotable, and, even if they're terrible,"
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"you get a rating and move on to the next idea."
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"Well, I happen to think we are in a new Golden Age"
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"of scripted television."
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"I've been doing some research."
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"Do you know what the most successful reality events"
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"of the past five years are?"
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"Celebrity benefits for natural disasters."
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"The viewership is huge."
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"Yes, but those ratings mean nothing."
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"All the networks air those benefits at the same time."
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"So no one gets an advantage."
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"a benefit on the night of the disaster."
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"Unless you've pretaped the show beforehand"
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"- Yeah. - That is bad karma, Jack."
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"and I am just waiting for..."
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"But I hate my dress!"
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"anything that might require a televised celebrity benefit."
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"What about a tornado that hits a handgun factory"
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"and it's just spinning around, shooting handguns?"
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"What happens when the Second Flood comes"
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"and you aren't allowed on Reverend Gary's ark?"
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"Especially since Reverend Gary made it clear"
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"You know, with global weirding and everything,"
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"There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year."
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"It destroyed two vintage t-shirt stores and a banjo."
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"If something does happen, it'll probably be while we're at work."
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"I mean, this is where we spend all of our time."
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"Everyone needs an emergency plan."
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"For instance, right before the ark leaves,"
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"I see you finally decided to come to work."
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"I'm just continuing my consistent professional behavior."
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"Let's laugh together, friend."
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"What's going on with him?"
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"First of all, good morning."
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"Since when does Tracy care about looking bad?"
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"which I am not looking forward to."
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"That island he wants to buy is filled with scorpions."
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"Let's do it again from the top!"
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"because Perfection is my middle name!"
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"So, here's the plan... if anything happens,"
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"Okay, good."
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"We've got a wide skill set for any post-apocalyptic scenario."
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"Toofer can get us through black-, gay-,"
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"and nerd-controlled neighborhoods."
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"I will do sex with cannibals as needed."
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"Well, not talk to them. I can take commands from them."
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"Lutz. What can he do?"
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"Well, he's slow and a coward."
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"Oh. I didn't know that."
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"All right, Lutz is the driver."
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"Oh, right. It's actually pretty small."
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"I could only take three of you."
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"So I'll have to choose."
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"That sucks."
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"It's like a reality show"
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"Of course, friend."
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"Teamwork is the key to success."
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"that you've been putting off for five years."
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"Hope you didn't have plans tonight."
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"No."
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"I wasn't gonna buy two blimps and crash them into each other"
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"to see what sound they made."
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"An argument that culminates in a racial slur would be lovely."
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"for my cousin's dance studio."
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"Aren't you, Tracy?"
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"So, we're good?"
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"I'm happy as a clam that wants to kill some woman."
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"I'll have MSNBC tell the world you grew up in England."
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"But I'm so identified with New York, you bloody tosser!"
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"Okay."
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"We'll always remember where we were"
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"when we heard that tornado had hit a handgun factory."
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"Two days ago, when people thought of a mudslide,"
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"they just thought of getting drunk in an Applebee's."
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"But now we know it as the thing that destroyed Denver."
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"When the birds first started attacking us,"
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"we all thought it was pretty funny and made Hitchcock jokes."
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"Because our laughter excites the birds sexually."
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"This devastating wildfire."
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"This wonderful flood that put out that devastating wildfire."
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"Tracy."
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"Shut your mouth"
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"And I think that you're a four-eyed douche"
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"Tracy, I don't want to interrupt this moment."
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"This is great stuff, but that's Billy Joel's."
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"Anything you sing to that tune I can't use on the show."
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"But if I sing, you cannot do anything"
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"To make me look bad on your TV show"
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"And also let me say that Liz is a ho"
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"A dirty ho"
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"You are a child"
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"And you're losing your mind"
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