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Clips from NewsRadio - Jumper (S04E04)

Tell Joe to get me a safety harness, some sturdy rope and a microphone...

"Tell Joe to get me a safety harness, some sturdy rope and a microphone..."

NewsRadio

Then get ready to go live on the air with a breaking story.

"Then get ready to go live on the air with a breaking story."

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One more time. Tell Joe to get me a safety harness--

"One more time. Tell Joe to get me a safety harness--"

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I'm on it, dude.

"I'm on it, dude."

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There really is a man on my ledge threatening to jump.

"There really is a man on my ledge threatening to jump."

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I'm aware of that. Well, somebody should call 411.

"I'm aware of that. Well, somebody should call 411."

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He's not even looking this way, Dave.

"He's not even looking this way, Dave."

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Who hung this up? Who hung up the phone?

"Who hung this up? Who hung up the phone?"

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It's too late, Dave. I'm in the harness. Brace yourself.

"It's too late, Dave. I'm in the harness. Brace yourself."

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As a matter of fact, I do. I'm tryin' to figure out how to tie a knot.

"As a matter of fact, I do. I'm tryin' to figure out how to tie a knot."

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I can't let you go out there. It's just too dangerous.

"I can't let you go out there. It's just too dangerous."

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I'm sorry. I know you wanna be a hero, but-- Oh, I'm not a hero.

"I'm sorry. I know you wanna be a hero, but-- Oh, I'm not a hero."

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Just a man with a microphone and a harness...

"Just a man with a microphone and a harness..."

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that's extraordinarily tight around the crotch.

"that's extraordinarily tight around the crotch."

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That's not what you said when I was trying to get a raise last month.

"That's not what you said when I was trying to get a raise last month."

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And you're a good personal friend.

"And you're a good personal friend."

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That's not what you said when I wanted to borrow 500 bucks from you last week.

"That's not what you said when I wanted to borrow 500 bucks from you last week."

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Oh, sir, could you help me grab this rope?

"Oh, sir, could you help me grab this rope?"

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What's happening to me?

"What's happening to me?"

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Don't worry, son. Just relax. Everything's gonna be just fine.

"Don't worry, son. Just relax. Everything's gonna be just fine."

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[ Gasping, Yelling ] Eww!

"[ Gasping, Yelling ] Eww!"

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You're sure that's going to hold?

"You're sure that's going to hold?"

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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All right. Here goes nothing.

"All right. Here goes nothing."

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as a high pressure system moves in,

"as a high pressure system moves in,"

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which means it'll be crisp and clear tomorrow with lows in the mid-50s.

"which means it'll be crisp and clear tomorrow with lows in the mid-50s."

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- Why, yes, I am. Why do you ask? - Don't you try and grab me.

"- Why, yes, I am. Why do you ask? - Don't you try and grab me."

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[ Laughs ] Don't you try to grab me either.

"[ Laughs ] Don't you try to grab me either."

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Why would I try to grab you?

"Why would I try to grab you?"

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Oh.

"Oh."

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Hey, you know, one time I saw Dan Rather gettin' out of a cab,

"Hey, you know, one time I saw Dan Rather gettin' out of a cab,"

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and I ran over to him and I kissed him on the lips.

"and I ran over to him and I kissed him on the lips."

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So what brings you to this neck of the ledge?

"So what brings you to this neck of the ledge?"

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Statement? Boy, that's a toughie.

"Statement? Boy, that's a toughie."

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Bill, can I have a word with you?

"Bill, can I have a word with you?"

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Excuse me. This won't take but a moment.

"Excuse me. This won't take but a moment."

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Don't go anywhere. [ Laughs ]

"Don't go anywhere. [ Laughs ]"

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If there was some sort of dramatic helicopter rescue, maybe that would be great radio.

"If there was some sort of dramatic helicopter rescue, maybe that would be great radio."

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You're right. Helicopter rescues have been done to death.

"You're right. Helicopter rescues have been done to death."

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A blimp? No!

"A blimp? No!"

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The main appeal of this story is... that it costs me absolutely nothing.

"The main appeal of this story is... that it costs me absolutely nothing."

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He wants to read a statement on the air.

"He wants to read a statement on the air."

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- It's not political at all, is it? - No.

"- It's not political at all, is it? - No."

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Shoot.

"Shoot."

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'Cause if we could get Janet Reno in a blimp, we could even beat Howard Stern.

"'Cause if we could get Janet Reno in a blimp, we could even beat Howard Stern."

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No. Janet Reno costs at least $50,000.

"No. Janet Reno costs at least $50,000."

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What's his statement about?

"What's his statement about?"

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is treated shabbily by the bean-counting corporate fat cats.

"is treated shabbily by the bean-counting corporate fat cats."

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I am not gonna go live with a man jumping to his death.

"I am not gonna go live with a man jumping to his death."

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Did you see the one where the grizzly takes a bite out of the guy's head...

"Did you see the one where the grizzly takes a bite out of the guy's head..."

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Hey, I knew that dude.

"Hey, I knew that dude."

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Hey. Am I gonna get to read my statement or not?

"Hey. Am I gonna get to read my statement or not?"

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You tell them that if I don't get to read my statement,

"You tell them that if I don't get to read my statement,"

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and you are gonna set yourself on fire.

"and you are gonna set yourself on fire."

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Come on. He's getting impatient.

"Come on. He's getting impatient."

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If that man jumps to his death, we're responsible.

"If that man jumps to his death, we're responsible."

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- What safety line? - There's a safety line on Bill's harness.

"- What safety line? - There's a safety line on Bill's harness."

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If he can clip it to the guy's belt, the rope will keep him from fallin' too far.

"If he can clip it to the guy's belt, the rope will keep him from fallin' too far."

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And that rope will hold both of 'em?

"And that rope will hold both of 'em?"

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All right. We're almost ready to go live. Let me just prep you a little.

"All right. We're almost ready to go live. Let me just prep you a little."

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Speak loudly and clearly. No profanities.

"Speak loudly and clearly. No profanities."

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♪ Le-le, la-la, lo ♪ ♪ Le-le, la, le ♪

"♪ Le-le, la-la, lo ♪ ♪ Le-le, la, le ♪"

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That's enough. Now, this is the microphone. Don't touch it.

"That's enough. Now, this is the microphone. Don't touch it."

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Are you wearing rubber-soled shoes? No.

"Are you wearing rubber-soled shoes? No."

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All right. Turn around.

"All right. Turn around."

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I'm gonna hook you up to our ground wire in case there are any lightning strikes.

"I'm gonna hook you up to our ground wire in case there are any lightning strikes."

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Now, if you get nervous, just imagine that your listener is completely nude.

"Now, if you get nervous, just imagine that your listener is completely nude."

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I'm supposed to imagine that you're nude?

"I'm supposed to imagine that you're nude?"

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Well, don't do that. That's just perverted.

"Well, don't do that. That's just perverted."

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Scout's honor? Oh, but of course. We're ready out here.

"Scout's honor? Oh, but of course. We're ready out here."

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Bill, come back inside.

"Bill, come back inside."

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You're on your own, son.

"You're on your own, son."

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from the ledge of a window...

"from the ledge of a window..."

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Thank you, Bill. I was recently fired-- A lone man.

"Thank you, Bill. I was recently fired-- A lone man."

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reaches out for help and finds Bill McNeal.

"reaches out for help and finds Bill McNeal."

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What is your name, sir? Mike Johnson.

"What is your name, sir? Mike Johnson."

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[ Wood Creaking ]

"[ Wood Creaking ]"

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Huh.

"Huh."

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Bill!

"Bill!"

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This was, indeed, a bad idea. Reel us in now.

"This was, indeed, a bad idea. Reel us in now."

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You guys okay down there? We're fine. Couldn't be better.

"You guys okay down there? We're fine. Couldn't be better."

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Ready to be reeled in now.

"Ready to be reeled in now."

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Hang on a sec.

"Hang on a sec."

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Hey, it's a good thing you didn't set yourself on fire, or we'd both be in trouble.

"Hey, it's a good thing you didn't set yourself on fire, or we'd both be in trouble."

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I'm not speaking to you.

"I'm not speaking to you."

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Empty your pockets, dump off your shoes, everything.

"Empty your pockets, dump off your shoes, everything."

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What will become of my shoes? Don't worry about it.

"What will become of my shoes? Don't worry about it."

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We got a guy down on the street who volunteered to catch everything you guys throw.

"We got a guy down on the street who volunteered to catch everything you guys throw."

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Well, drop it. Wait a minute.

"Well, drop it. Wait a minute."

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with a guy attached to my harness-- which is on the verge of neutering me--

"with a guy attached to my harness-- which is on the verge of neutering me--"

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and now you wanna take my story away?

"and now you wanna take my story away?"

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Why not?

"Why not?"

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Because I have these.

"Because I have these."

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What are those for?

"What are those for?"

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To cut the rope in case you try to reel us in...

"To cut the rope in case you try to reel us in..."

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[ Laughs ] It's gonna take a lot more than a pair of scissors to cut this rope.

"[ Laughs ] It's gonna take a lot more than a pair of scissors to cut this rope."

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I'll be right back.

"I'll be right back."

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B.P. "Be prepared."

"B.P. "Be prepared.""

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Boy Scout motto. Weren't you in Boy Scouts?

"Boy Scout motto. Weren't you in Boy Scouts?"

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No. What exactly do scissors help you be prepared for?

"No. What exactly do scissors help you be prepared for?"

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He's very sad, hurting, reaching out.

"He's very sad, hurting, reaching out."

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But, you know, these things happen sometimes. What else could I do?

"But, you know, these things happen sometimes. What else could I do?"

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I'm sure your ex-boyfriend will get over it with time, but can you tell us about the jumper?

"I'm sure your ex-boyfriend will get over it with time, but can you tell us about the jumper?"

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Folks, I got a short statement I'd like to read here, if that's all right.

"Folks, I got a short statement I'd like to read here, if that's all right."

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Obviously, we have a very-- uh, very grave situation here at WNYX.

"Obviously, we have a very-- uh, very grave situation here at WNYX."

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and what is disturbing him we-- we don't yet know.

"and what is disturbing him we-- we don't yet know."

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But we here at WNYX believe...

"But we here at WNYX believe..."

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And we will bring you that statement live as it happens.

"And we will bring you that statement live as it happens."

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Thank you very much.

"Thank you very much."

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"Followed immediately by traffic and weather with WNYX's own Catherine Duke."

""Followed immediately by traffic and weather with WNYX's own Catherine Duke.""

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If he gets weird, I'm gonna hit the kill switch immediately.

"If he gets weird, I'm gonna hit the kill switch immediately."

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I can handle the kill switch on my own, thank you. Yeah, right.

"I can handle the kill switch on my own, thank you. Yeah, right."

NewsRadio

Welcome back to Crisis on the 14th Floor, a WNYX exclusive.

"Welcome back to Crisis on the 14th Floor, a WNYX exclusive."

NewsRadio

♪ [ Dramatic Sting ] Crisis on the 14th Floor,

"♪ [ Dramatic Sting ] Crisis on the 14th Floor,"

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brought to you by Crazy Eric's Discount Electronics.

"brought to you by Crazy Eric's Discount Electronics."

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Crazy Eric. He's clinically insane for savings.

"Crazy Eric. He's clinically insane for savings."

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[ Bill ] Thank you, Catherine. Love that Crazy Eric.

"[ Bill ] Thank you, Catherine. Love that Crazy Eric."

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And now, without further ado, here's a man who's at the end of his own rope,

"And now, without further ado, here's a man who's at the end of his own rope,"

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a man who could not take it anymore.

"a man who could not take it anymore."

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Say hello to suicidal jumper Mike Johnson.

"Say hello to suicidal jumper Mike Johnson."

NewsRadio

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