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Clips from Peep Show - Threeism (S09E09)

"let's say you had a Wikipedia page, which obviously you don't,"
Peep Show
"Would it say that Jeremy Usborne was gay or straight?"
Peep Show
"I'm just looking for that sacred connection, and for that,"
Peep Show
"I'd fuck any single member of the human race."
Peep Show
"You know I've always been a bit gay. I've always liked a bit of that."
Peep Show
"Like with Pej in Darty."
Peep Show
"You should've. It was great."
Peep Show
"Jeremy, but not being pulled off by Pej isn't one of them."
Peep Show
"The thing about sex with a guy,"
Peep Show
"it's like getting your car fixed at the actual dealership."
Peep Show
"They've got all the codes. You just plug right in."
Peep Show
"I mean, you like blow jobs, don't you, Mark?"
Peep Show
"I'm eating a Fruit Corner, Jeremy."
Peep Show
"what's the most blow jobs you've ever had in one day?"
Peep Show
"One. Right."
Peep Show
"Well, my life now is a 24/7 blow-job bonanza."
Peep Show
"I very much regret starting this conversation."
Peep Show
"Put it this way."
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"I'm moving out and I've got a new address for you to forward my post to -"
Peep Show
"Blow-job City."
Peep Show
"Jez, I've got to make a move."
Peep Show
"Cool. Um, here's that Beastie Boys CD I was telling you about."
Peep Show
"Thanks, but I don't own a CD player."
Peep Show
"Oh. Yeah. Well, download the shit out of them."
Peep Show
"They're cool. Yeah?"
Peep Show
"I think they started before I was born, and one of them is dead."
Peep Show
"Listen, gotta go. THEY KISS"
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"See you. Bye."
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"I really like him, Mark. Do you think it matters"
Peep Show
"if I'm not young, dumb and full of come?"
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"Oh, no. I mean..."
Peep Show
"you're older and..."
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"intelligent and full of come. Yeah."
Peep Show
"and I'm not even certain that"
Peep Show
"I'm full of come. Oh, I'm sure..."
Peep Show
"I'm sure you're full of come."
Peep Show
"That's nice. Thank you."
Peep Show
"'But you can't get away from Google, April. Corrigan and Google -"
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"'the maverick detectives who just won't give up."
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"'Yup, she's just as beautiful as she was when I failed to sleep with her in Darty."
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"'And she knows a fuckload about the Ottoman Empire."
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"'If she voices the audiobook,"
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"'and have me a wanky Byzantine party.'"
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"'Yeah, that will happen when he's busy"
Peep Show
"'sucking off your life coach.' Maybe we should have a big chat."
Peep Show
"And I should just say, like, "Are you ready to commit? Because I am.""
Peep Show
"What do you think?"
Peep Show
"No. Oh."
Peep Show
"Right. Why not? The point is,"
Peep Show
"Oh, right."
Peep Show
"I'm going to call him."
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"Fuck it, I'm going to lock him out."
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"'Yeah! Lock him out!'"
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"Do you want to, um..."
Peep Show
"..stay for a glass of wine?"
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"Er... 'She's sexy,"
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"'artistic, confused... It'd be rude not to!'"
Peep Show
"'"We studied Ancient History at Dartmouth -"
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"'No.'"
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"Thanks for coming. Thank you."
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"Hi. I love the Ottoman Empire."
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"I think I feel an affinity because some ingeniously savage children"
Peep Show
"at my secondary school called me "the sick man of Europe"."
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"Sorry. TMI."
Peep Show
"No! I was actually ostracised by"
Peep Show
"some horrible girls who called me Joan of Snark."
Peep Show
"OK. 'Does she recognise me?"
Peep Show
"'I should say something."
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"'"You sold me some brogues and I followed you 200 miles"
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"There you go. Thanks again for coming."
Peep Show
"missing my chance.' Sorry to flout the queueing system"
Peep Show
"like some syphilitic sultan,"
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"but I just wanted to say that we did actually meet once before."
Peep Show
"Years ago, at Dartmouth Uni."
Peep Show
"I transferred from Coventry, then I transferred back again."
Peep Show
"It was complicated. I think Bez won Big Brother around then."
Peep Show
"of my life-coaching organisation."
Peep Show
"Well, it was outside"
Peep Show
"I bet it's fine if football coaches have sex with their players, so long as"
Peep Show
"it's outside the coaching window. Listen, Joe'll be back soon, so..."
Peep Show
"'but maybe tonight isn't the best night.'"
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"I'm going to have to book a double session just to talk this shit through!"
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"'Like when they fed all the cows to the other cows in the '90s"
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"My day job's lecturing at South Thames College."
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"So this is your secret identity."
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"Sort of like Indiana Jones. Yes."
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"I'm very much like Indiana Jones. Except I don't have a whip."
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"I still use my maiden name for books."
Peep Show
"You write together? That sounds like a..."
Peep Show
"a dream sort of setup. Well, I do all the PR."
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"And most of the bulk of the writing, too."
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"'Interesting.' I mean, it's fine."
Peep Show
"'I've come to stoke you up again.' Mark,"
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"I don't mean to be weird or anything, but..."
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"did anything happen between us"
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"at one of MacLeish's weird Darty Parties?"
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"No, I-I mean, if I can just search the old memory banks..."
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"..we might have had one cuddle once,"
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"Look, it was so great to see you again."
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"I'd better go. Angus awaits."
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"Ridiculously short notice, I know, but..."
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"Although Angus is going to a conference."
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"Or are you?"
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"Not last time I checked. Clank clank."
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"Tomorrow. It's a date."
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"Great. 'Yes! Olympus has fallen."
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"'Now all I have to do is cook a meal so delicious she will make love to me."
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"Jez, don't forget your phone!"
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"I thought you were going to the cinema"
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"with Joe. Whatever."
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"It'll start with half an hour of adverts"
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"I'm making hummus. Making hummus, he says,"
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"like it's perfectly natural. No-one makes hummus."
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"It's only hummus, Jeremy. What are you going to do next?"
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"Start making your own pasta? As a matter of fact,"
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"I have made my own pasta. Jesus, Mark."
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"Jamie Oliver and Sainsbury's make the food. We eat the food."
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"The girl from the shoe shop?"
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"to eat her with pasta."
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"It isn't a lair, it's my flat!"
Peep Show
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