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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S05E05)

"- Oh, all right, Lana, you win! - Yay!"
Archer (2009)
"- Win what? - We're leaving right now."
Archer (2009)
"- Ray? - Already packing mentally."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, like I brought a huge stack. - Five's a pretty big stack."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril, shut up and go find a vehicle."
Archer (2009)
"Ray, find Cherlene. No matter what happens, we can't leave without her."
Archer (2009)
"- She said, suddenly oddly maternal. - Right?"
Archer (2009)
"She has to endorse the royalty checks."
Archer (2009)
"- And the penny drops. - You shut up, and the rest of you shut up and grab"
Archer (2009)
"anything valuable. Ooh, like that ridiculous white painting."
Archer (2009)
"- Yeah. - That's true."
Archer (2009)
"Plus, I bet the vampires got him."
Archer (2009)
"So... now will you join us... brother?"
Archer (2009)
"My God, I have so many questions. Are you clones of me?"
Archer (2009)
"Am I a clone of you? Did you all grow up together... in an actual house with an"
Archer (2009)
"- actual mom and dad? And was I ever there? - No."
Archer (2009)
"memory of me as a child, and it's snowing, and there's a creepy old man trying to take me"
Archer (2009)
"- away, and then I knock him down with a sled? - That's Citizen Kane."
Archer (2009)
"Oh. Wait. No, not a sled. A pneumatic bolt-gun."
Archer (2009)
"- Now that does sound vaguely familiar. - Right?"
Archer (2009)
"Well, the important thing is that you're with us now."
Archer (2009)
"Especially since your friends..."
Archer (2009)
""Friends." Please. Can you believe those jerks? After all these years?"
Archer (2009)
"- Kicking me to the curb like, like... - A child."
Archer (2009)
"- A frog! - Frog-child!"
Archer (2009)
"- No! - No!"
Archer (2009)
"- No. - Well, let me finish, because I think"
Archer (2009)
"it's some kind of unholy, adolescent human-amphibian hybrid creature."
Archer (2009)
"- Just in time for our moment of triumph. - Well, if there's one"
Archer (2009)
"- thing I love, it's triumph! What is it?! - All will be reveald... in time."
Archer (2009)
"it's annoying vagueness."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril, shut up and find a vehicle!"
Archer (2009)
"He's going to screw the dictator's wife and then shoot"
Archer (2009)
"you in the chest! Oh, makes me so mad!"
Archer (2009)
"One of these days, I swear to... Jesus H. Chrysler!"
Archer (2009)
"Well, one thing's for sure. If I had it to do over, I'd be a dictator."
Archer (2009)
"What?! My God, come on. How can you even say that?"
Archer (2009)
"- Because that's what you are! - Cherlene, I-I..."
Archer (2009)
"- time-- wasn't president for life! - Uh, but he could"
Archer (2009)
"imposed the presidential term limits, but it wasn't passed by your congress until 1947, and"
Archer (2009)
"- Who are you-- Dave Frishberg?! - Yeah, I don't know who that is."
Archer (2009)
"Of course you don't, because you don't live"
Archer (2009)
"in a free country, where the world's largest manufacturers of sugary cereals are allowed to"
Archer (2009)
"sponsor interstitial animated programming unapologetically targeted at children!"
Archer (2009)
"- No. I-I live in a very poor country. - Ugh!"
Archer (2009)
"No, no. I... Look, I know, but go outside the palace walls, and trust me,"
Archer (2009)
"- Cherlene, listen, it is crazy poor. - Yeah, that was my whole..."
Archer (2009)
"And so, I wanted to distribute your records among--"
Archer (2009)
"and I hate to say this-- but our filthy peasants, so as to brighten their lives with your music."
Archer (2009)
"Oh. Well, now I feel like a..."
Archer (2009)
"- Wait. Do they even have record players? - Well, no, obviously not, but..."
Archer (2009)
"So how would they even use records?!"
Archer (2009)
"- Hold it up. - Lana, come on. You and Mother smashed my balls"
Archer (2009)
"pretty good. Kudos. They're swollen. But I-I don't need a cut man!"
Archer (2009)
"Thought you meant my genitals. But, look, I know you're jealous I had sex with Juliana, almost"
Archer (2009)
"twice, but don't slash the painting. It's..."
Archer (2009)
"Wait. Is this an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?"
Archer (2009)
"Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, every when, is about the paragon"
Archer (2009)
"- of adequacy that is your dick. - "Adequacy" as in "mind-blowingness"?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, are you...? Archer, you used to moan about him in your sleep!"
Archer (2009)
"Come on, you can do this."
Archer (2009)
"once in her life, Ms. Archer can't bitch. And we'll be driving through a"
Archer (2009)
"war zone, so it needs to be fast, although I guess reliability is more important"
Archer (2009)
"than speed. Well, up to a point. Although bulletproof glass"
Archer (2009)
"wouldn't be bad. I... Damn it, Figgis! You're overthinking this!"
Archer (2009)
"- I gave you one simple job, and... - I looked in her room!"
Archer (2009)
"- And?! - And she wasn't in it?"
Archer (2009)
"Pam, if you want to scuff them that badly, just throw them down the..."
Archer (2009)
"What, were you not gonna say stairs?"
Archer (2009)
"Hang on, hang on! Wait, wait, wait. Damn it! I have something for this."
Archer (2009)
"It's um, uh..."
Archer (2009)
"- actually a man in a gorilla costume. - Making the comparison even more accurate."
Archer (2009)
"- No, I said! - B-But, Cherlene, listen, I love you!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, don't act so surprised, Juliana! It's not like we're in love any more!"
Archer (2009)
"Any more?! We were never in love!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, you have no idea. It's like this ache in the pit of your stomach."
Archer (2009)
"Tell that to the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court."
Archer (2009)
"- He absolutely was. - Is that true?"
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, I don't want to... - I want to say church and state?"
Archer (2009)
"Wow. We get home, first thing, we are binge-watching Schoolhouse Rock."
Archer (2009)
"You can binge-watch it in hell!"
Archer (2009)
"- Well, I hope it was worth dying for. - Honestly?"
Archer (2009)
"- Right? - I... Well, no, but the first time..."
Archer (2009)
"- Honestly? - No, the first time."
Archer (2009)
"Pam? Pam?"
Archer (2009)
"Pam, seriously."
Archer (2009)
"- Archer... - Lana, shut up. Pam!"
Archer (2009)
"Out... law... coun... try."
Archer (2009)
"- Um, do you want to...? - Yes. Wait, were you gonna say "watch"?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, that's some messed up-shit."
Archer (2009)
"- Yep. - Um..."
Archer (2009)
"You know they're not reusable, right?"
Archer (2009)
"Once the fibers get damaged, that's basically just a sweater vest."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, good. 'Cause for a second there,"
Archer (2009)
"Why would you throw away a perfectly good gun?"
Archer (2009)
"- kicked it around with his dirty shoes. - Fair enough."
Archer (2009)
"Except you, Juliana. Let go of Cherlene and throw down the gun."
Archer (2009)
"Cherlene, stop this at once. As your husband, I command you."
Archer (2009)
"I wish you the best of luck in the years ahead, which you will spend in prison."
Archer (2009)
"Cherlene, I now pronounce us husband and wife."
Archer (2009)
"- Weddings always get me. - Plus cocaine."
Archer (2009)
"No! We are so not married!"
Archer (2009)
"No, but my word is literally law. One of the perks of being a dictator."
Archer (2009)
"You said you weren't a dictator!"
Archer (2009)
"I-I lied, okay? But hopefully our marriage is strong enough that, together and"
Archer (2009)
"- over time, we can work through it. - Well, at least he"
Archer (2009)
"- When did you get so cynical? - The rest of you..."
Archer (2009)
"- are under arrest! - What?"
Archer (2009)
"Except those of you who are to be executed."
Archer (2009)
"in my prison canteen account. I'm looking your way, Mr. Archer."
Archer (2009)
"As we speak, my scientists are working on a secret weapon, and soon I will water our coca"
Archer (2009)
"- Presidente. - Good! Yes. I am glad you are here."
Archer (2009)
"- Totally out of bullets. See that? - My bad, guys. That's on me."
Archer (2009)
"- I'm the first lady! - Please, hurry. We have to go before..."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic friggin' tank."
Archer (2009)
"You idiot, that's the vehicle you found? I meant a limousine or..."
Archer (2009)
"Jesus God, woman, nothing is ever good enough for you!"
Archer (2009)
"- Right? - Please, sir! Accept our surrender!"
Archer (2009)
"- What with the tank and all. - Yeah. So I hereby..."
Archer (2009)
"Accept your surrender! Dibs! I'm in charge! Cyril, get out of the..."
Archer (2009)
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