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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Ethel Merman (S01E01)

"As a sister singer, I gratefully admire your talent,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"and so I would like to propose a toast in your honor."
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"Oh, how nice of you, Miss Piggy. Mm-hmm."
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"To Ethel Merman,"
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"a great woman and a great singer"
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"whom we can all learn something from."
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"Got any tips?"
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"All that for one free singing lesson? Well..."
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"Now look, Miss Piggy. Let's face it."
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"You either got it, or you ain't. Mm-hmm."
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"And all the singing lessons in the world"
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"ain't gonna help you if you ain't got it."
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"Now let's hear you hit that high note of yours again."
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"(clears throat)"
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"♪ Ah"
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"Well, it shows promise."
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"See, Kermit?"
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"But it... it's a bit subtle."
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"Now, this is the way I would do it."
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"as an air-raid siren during the war?"
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"Kermit."
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"Wah!"
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"Ah, she and Kermit make a nice pair."
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"Well, she certainly is a peach."
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"We on The Muppet Show are very interested in puppets,"
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"Anyway, tonight, we're really delighted to have with us"
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"a man who produces the world's funniest shadows."
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"Here he is from Australia,"
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"our guest puppeteer - Mr. Richard Bradshaw!"
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"(light background music)"
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"More! More!"
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"Hey, wait. Look, there is more."
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"Oh, good grief. They heard me."
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"Hey, come on, Kermit. The kid's worth twice the price."
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"Yeah, well, I don't know..."
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"Oh, Kermit, my love. My..."
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"What is that?"
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"Well, this is Fozzie's agent, Irving Bizarre."
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"We're negotiating a contract."
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"Hey, how you doing, baby, kiddo, sweetheart?"
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"I already have an agent, short stuff."
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"I don't wanna be your agent. I just wanna handle you."
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"(lecherous laugh)"
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"Well, handle this. Hiiii-yah!"
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"Right now, it's time to present a comic who, even as I speak,"
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"is in danger of negotiating himself right out of work."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, the funniest bear since Maxie, Mr. Fozzie Bear!"
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"Oh, I get a feeling you're a great bunch,"
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"not like the audience we had last week."
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"They weren't an audience, they were a jury. Ha-ha."
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"Ha-ha-ha."
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"The bear's funny, huh? He's... he's my cousin."
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"Wanna leave a wake-up call?"
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"Uh, if you don't mind, cousin, I will do the jokes."
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"Let him roll. He's funnier than you."
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"Uh, you don't want them interrupting my act, right?"
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"No. I don't want 'em interrupting our sleep."
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"Hey, bring on the comic!"
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"I am the comic."
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"Then bring on the girls!"
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"Then bring on the girl comic!"
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"Now listen, I am not gonna be heckled"
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"by some clown who just came off the street."
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"I-I'm a pro, buddy. A real pro."
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"Look. OK, I tell you what."
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"Everybody, I am gonna turn my back,"
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"and when I turn around again,"
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"I only wanna see real Fozzie Bear fans in the audience."
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"OK? Here we go."
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"OK. I'm gonna turn around..."
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"now!"
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"Even my cousin?"
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"Ohh! It's a cruel world."
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"Hey, hey. How come you two guys are still there, huh?"
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"Did you lose your beds at the old fools' home?"
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"Ah, it's too late."
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"All right, Kermit, my client won't work"
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"unless you give him twice as much money."
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"Uh, yeah. I just saw how he handled that audience."
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"I'll give him three times as much."
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"We won't settle for less than four times as much."
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"Uh, how about a compromise?"
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"Five times as much money."
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"Six times as much."
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"Don't push it, Irv."
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"Uh, seven times as much. Eight times."
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"This is my final offer."
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"Ten times as much as he's making now."
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"You got a deal. Good."
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"Oh, Irv! Irv!"
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"Congratulations, kid."
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"You're making ten times as much money."
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"Yeah, yeah, and I... and I used to make nothing!"
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"Right. And... and ten times nothing is..."
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"Nothing."
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"And don't forget, I get ten percent of that."
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"You're worth every penny, Irv."
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"Could you give me a hand down, kid?"
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"Hey, Fozzie."
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"Yeah."
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"Listen, Fozzie, don't be discouraged."
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"Even if you don't make a lot of money,"
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"you're doing what you love to do."
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"Just look around you."
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"(♪ "There's No Business Like Show Business" by Irving Berlin)"
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"♪ The audience that lifts you when you're down"
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"♪ The headaches, the heartaches,"
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"♪ The backaches, the flops"
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"♪ The sheriff who escorts you out of town"
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"♪ The opening when your heart beats like a drum"
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"♪ The closing"
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"♪ When the customers don't come"
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"♪ But there's no business"
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"♪ Like show business"
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"♪ Like no business I know"
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"♪ Everything about it is appealing"
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"♪ Everything the traffic will allow"
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"♪ That extra bow"
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"♪ There's no people"
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"♪ Like show people"
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