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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Phyllis Diller (S01E01)

"Hi, Phyllis. What you got there?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh. What are these pictures of?"
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"Pockets."
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"(man) And now, Veterinarian's Hospital,"
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"the continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon"
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"who has gone to the dogs."
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"Dr. Bob? Dr. Bob?"
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"Your next patient is ready."
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"A musician at the symphony just fell through his harp."
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"Oh. Where is he now?"
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"In rooms 9, 10, 11 and 12."
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"Uh, he's right here, Dr. Bob."
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"Oh. Hmm. Little fella, isn't he? Huh?"
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"This is no patient. It's a loaf of bread."
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"And a very sick one."
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"Good grief! It's talking bread."
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"Dr. Bob, what do you make of it?"
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"(man) And so, Dr. Bob has discovered edible patients."
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"(groans)"
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"Tune in next week, when you will hear Nurse Janice say,"
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"Uh, Dr. Bob. Should I prepare the anesthetic?"
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"No. Just stand by with the marmalade."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Uh, excuse me, Miss. Can I help you?"
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"Hello, darling."
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"Got any wardrobe work for your old Hilda?"
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"Hilda! Why... Why, you're beautiful."
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"Thank you."
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"But you're so slim. How... How do you do that?"
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"Very tight... (coughs) ...foundation garments."
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"Oh, Hilda, I just want you to know"
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"that I think it's wonderful that you want to look your best and to..."
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"(popping)"
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"Well, the old gray mare is just what she used to be."
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"And now, featuring in concert with our own Muppet orchestra,"
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"Miss Phyllis Diller."
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"(orchestra plays "The Entertainer" by Scott Joplin)"
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"(plays melody badly)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(plays melody badly)"
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"(plays melody badly)"
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"(Phyllis plays melody badly)"
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"(plays the melody wrong) I'll find it."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(plays melody right)"
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"(plays the melody right)"
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"(plays the last note flat)"
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"(tries to find the last note and fails)"
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"(gets stuck on one note)"
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"(plays notes at random)"
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"Well, that's just about it for another show."
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"Would you do me a favor?"
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"For you, for you, I would do anything."
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"Oh, how nice. Would you stand over there, on the other side of me?"
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"Uh, stand over here? Right over there."
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"Is this OK? That's just perfect."
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"Hmm. OK. Well, friends, as I say, it's the end of the show now,"
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"so thank you for joining us, and join us next time"
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"Haaa!"
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"Aaaah!"
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"(♪ "The Muppet Show" theme)"
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"I loved it."
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"Oh! I hated it!"
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"(bum note)"
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"♪ It's time to play the music"
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"There is supposed to be a bear back in the dressing room."
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"♪ What a dance do they do"
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"do you suppose Miss Diller has had her face raised?"
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"And now, a lady so wonderfully nutty"
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"Hey, you think... you think that's bad?"
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"Aw. Listen, you should stick around, Phyllis."
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"Are you kidding?"
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"♪ Never get your day's work done"
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"♪ Never get your cornmeal made"
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"♪ Well, he never heard a word I said ♪"
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"Ah. (coughs)"
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"Exploding earmuffs."
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"Uh-huh."
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"(explosion)"
The Muppet Show (1976)